I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
