I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
