fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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