in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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