If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
