How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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