I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
