I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
