she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
