I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
