i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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