At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
