if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
