I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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