i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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