You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize