i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
