I think my vagina is haunted
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
