Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
