Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize