so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
