i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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