How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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