It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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