They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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