I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
