Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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