I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
