HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
