guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
