I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
