I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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