sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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