Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
