were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
