We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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