had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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