dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
