do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
