My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
