god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
