i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
