if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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