Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
