Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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