you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
