Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
