oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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