i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
