Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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