Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
