Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
