I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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