Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
