My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
