i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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