OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you win again, gameday.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
