do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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