i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
