the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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