I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
