Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want nice things and good sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
