I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize