i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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