matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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