If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
there is puke in my bra ... again
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