My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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