Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
