What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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