Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
