Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish you could order shots online.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pants are for mortals
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
