Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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